10, 9, 8...

So, the year is ending and I feel nothing but boredom. But, I find myself reading list after list of the best of '07, so now it's my turn. Bear in mind that I have a hard time remembering anything before September. Here is the soundtrack of my year:

Top 5 albums of my 2007 (although they didn't necessarily come out in 2007):

5. Taking Back Sunday Tell All Your Friends.

My endeavors into emo culture led me to Taking Back Sunday's first album. I was not very impressed with their most recent album, but their first really did something for me. I can't remember the names of any songs, but they are charming, angry, and infinitely quotable.

4. Gym Class Heroes As Cruel as School Children

They could be rap, but instead they have a song about myspace. They were amazing in concert. But Travis McCoy is a whore.

3. Fall Out Boy Infinity on High

Come on, it's Fall Out Boy! They're a phenomenon. I wouldn't have anything to talk about if Pete Wentz didn't spend his free time doing dumb things, and Patrick Stump is adorable. Like a short, profusely sweating little teddy bear.

2. The Academy Is... Almost Here

He's got a decent voice, he's got that crooked smile
Hold on, you haven't heard the best yet
He writes great storylines, he's got those honest eyes.
So take him home for just $9.95

That's their song: Classifieds. They totally write their own advertisement. And if that isn't enough, watch an episode of TAITV and contemplate Sisky's hair. And they had the best concert I saw all year.

1. Jack's Mannequin Everything in Transit

This is an amazing, amazing album. It's fun, sad, and I've listened to it like eighty million times in the last couple months.

And, just for fun...

Top 5 bands whose albums I'm looking forward to in 2008:

5. This Providence

They don't suck. And I know they're releasing a new album. That makes them qualify for this list.

4. The Academy Is...

Still not completely sure that their actually making another album. Their last one came out in April.

3. The Hush Sound

Mmm... piano rock.

2. The Cab

I've heard exactly as many of their songs as there are guys named Alex in the band. That would be three.

1. Panic! at the Disco

The most highly anticipated album of 2007... hopefully they'll get around to it this year.

And just for the record, I think Dick Clark has been replaced by a Muppet.

Faking it.

So, has anyone else heard the new Relient K album? There's this song on it called "Faking My Own Suicide" and I really need to know if it strikes anyone else as creepy. It is a song about a guy faking his own suicide (obviously) so a girl will realize that she's in love with him. That, in itself isn't too bad, I tend to be a fan of the macabre and I'm sure I could find plenty of examples of songs in my ipod where a guy tries to use death to impress a girl ("My Bloody Valentine," anyone). There's just something about the idea that when the guy fakes his death, part of the girl dies, but when he comes back she's so happy just to see him that she doesn't care that he lied to her and broke her heart. Also, I think part of my problem is that it is a Relient K song. It's one thing when a band like My Chemical Romance decides to mix love and death, but Relient K comes up on itunes as religious music, and that's really weird. The fact is, I find it to be more strange when relatively normal people write songs about death and other creepy things than when weird bands do it. Let's talk examples:

Clay Aiken's "Invisible." Nobody seems to notice what a weird song that is. The gist of it is as follows: I wish I were invisible, then I'd watch you in your room... oh, wait! I am invisible. See, that's creepy. I don't want Clay Aiken watching me while I dress or sleep or do whatever I do when I think I'm alone in my room. The point is, that song makes me feel really uncomfortable.

On the other hand there's My Chemical Romance's "Famous Last Words." In this song, the guy says "the words I thought I'd never speak" to the girl who is going to leave him and she does nothing. Maybe she's dead. And somehow, the idea that Gerard Way is laying next to a girl, seriously considering whether she's dead is kind of adorable and romantic, while Clay Aiken hiding in a girls room is creepy and makes me want to get a restraining order against his entire album.

Anyway, I was just trying to figure out how creepy is too creepy. I guess there's a double-standard going on there. Creepy people can act as weird as they want with little consequence while normal people become much too strange quite fast. Maybe it's just a matter of whether you're trying or not. I think if Relient K or Clay Aiken had meant to make me that uncomfortable, they would have made me a lot less uncomfortable.

Well, that's all for now, and remember: every breath you take, I'll be watching you.

Re-gifted just for you...

I had a Holiday post for you, but then I decided it was dumb, so now all I have is a free song download of Fall Out Boy's Christmas Song "Yule Shoot Your Eye Out." That's right here.

Make it work!

Okay, let me start by saying that this post is all about Project Runway, and will contain spoilers from last Wednesday's episode. So, if you haven't seen it yet, you should stop reading this blog and turn the tv onto Bravo, as there is probably a rerun of that episode on right now. So here goes (and note the convenient links in case you can't remember who the hell I'm talking about).

1. I miss Steven already. I didn't particularly like his style, or even him as as a person, but I'm going to miss his imitations of other things. Remember from the Tiki Barber episode his impression of a straight guy around models. Or his good, though not quite Santino (see season 2) quality impression of Tim Gunn.

2. Speaking of Tim Gunn, how many other men are there in the world, who, when using the phrase 'the mistakes I've made at 3am' are talking about fashion. That was hot. At least, it was in a Tim Gunn-ish sort of way

3. Ricky needs to stop crying. Seriously. I don't care how gay you are, you don't need to cry in EVERY episode. I would not buy lingerie from a man who wouldn't stop crying, I don't know how he supported himself making it.

4. I think Kit is my favorite designer. I also like Christian for some reason, but I don't think it has anything to do with his clothes. I think, however, that Christian is going to go the way of a few of our former favorites who started out really promising, but eventually either his clothes
will decrease significantly in quality (Nick Verreos) or the judges will realize that he's been basically giving them the same, not particularly wearable, look for 12 challenges (Austin Scarlet). It will be a travesty right then, but it we'll have dealt with it by season's end.

Now, auf wiedersehen, please leave the runway and go back to the work room to collect your things.

Number 25, Down.

Hey, can anybody tell me what the hell is up with Panic! at the Disco's new website?
I hate that I care about it as much as I do.

Anyway, something more pertinent (if only slightly) coming later.

Some hot clip on clip action.

Okay, I know I'm a little obsessed with Fall Out Boy, Cobra Starship, The Academy Is..., and in general all things Fueled by Ramen, but you're going to have to deal with it (at least) one more time. Some things need to be spread around.

So, anyway, earlier today I happened up this clip/poll about fan fiction. In case you didn't know (or didn't bother to read) that is Alex Suarez, bassist for the band Cobra Starship. I found it rather amusing, but went on with my perusal of the internet eventually landing on the Fueled by Ramen Youtube channel. That's where I found this other clip of Cobra Starship. The very same Alex Suarez being the second guy from the left, of course.

All I've got to say is that at least Suarez gets to be the guy in the second clip. And that however he feels about fan fiction, he's totally asking for it. That is all.

First, I'd like to thank the academy...

As Thanksgiving is upon us once more, I feel it would be only fitting to let the world know what I am thankful for, at least, pop culture-wise. So, here goes...

1. I'm thankful for fake emotion. Whether it be baby-mamas on Maury, cancer children on Oprah, or even desperate, middle-aged women on The Bachelor, you can't really have good tv without someone crying. Or a script. You need one or the other. Last night's Project Runway was a great example, within the first 10 minutes of the show two people had already cried. Seriously, I know he's gay, but that lingerie designer guy really needs to man-up if he's going to make it much further.

2. I'm thankful for cover bands. Or more, for bands doing covers. Case in point Bowling for Soup performing a Fergie song, or Doug doing Dance, Dance. You may also note that the Dance, Dance video comes from a cd I mentioned in an earlier post that I really want. I mean, come on, easy listening versions of Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is..., Cobra Starship, and so on. Sounds like a good time to me.

3. Speaking of Fall Out Boy, I'm thankful for Pete Wentz's sex tape. I know its not a real sex tape, but since when does that matter. I'm also thankful for the fact that, because of Wentz's previous... indiscretions, nobody seems to want to believe that its not a real sex tape. When people are sincerely surprised that you didn't make a sex tape, you've got real problems.

4. I'm thankful for networks re-running entire series with episodes daily (as opposed to weekly). Right now we're in Season 1 of Gilmore Girls on the Family Channel and season 3 of The O.C. on Soapnet. In the case of The O.C., it was nothing worth watching at the time, when you had to wait a week for a new episode and it likely interfered with something else that should be watched, but now that its at a time with nothing else on, its kind of fun.

Well, that's all I can think of right now. At least, all that is really pertinent. I mean, I'm also thankful for hoodies, ipods, wireless internet, and kittens, but none of those seemed to merit their own number.

Also, I need to think of some catchy goodbye with which to sign off on my posts. Otherwise, these things tend to seem abrupt.

So, today I got a copy of the High School Musical soundtrack. I am now officially the happiest 12 year old girl ever. Sadly, as my brother is quick to point out. I am no longer 12 years old.

But that's okay because Troy Bolton is dreamy. Just kidding, I'm more of a Ryan Evans fan, myself.

I almost forgot to put a title on this post.

Last night I was lying in bed, reading a romance novel about vampires, listening to the 'Nightmare Before Christmas' soundtrack (as performed by various artists), and wearing a limited edition Halloween Fall Out Boy Hoodie (yes, I know, I'm lame) when I realized that I was not ready to let go of Halloween yet. Now, this could be symptomatic of the fact that Halloween kind of came and went for me without much fanfare, but that doesn't really matter, now does it. So, anyway...
That is Fall Out Boy. They have my favorite costumes of the season. They're dressed like Panic! at the Disco (thanks FriendsorEnemies.com for the pic). And... for the sake of reference:

Not the best pic, but I'm sure you see the resemblance. They are, of course, being imitated by the middle two guys in the top picture.

Okay, so Halloween point 2. Did anyone else think that the Halloween episodes of most tv shows sucked this year. I'll admit, I didn't catch anything that was on the Thursday before the holiday, but after that... not much of anything. Except Bones. They had a really good episode.

So, enough of Halloween, let's move on to other things that should be mentioned.

1. Has anyone else noticed that Canadian accents (okay, they could be from Minnesota or someplace like that) are really in right now. As are ugly babies. Maybe I've just decided not to like kids anymore, but it seems like every baby on television is really ugly.

2. Joey Fatone is a really good game show host (he hosts The Singing Bee). I'm not sure what it is about him, but I'm rather impressed with his television hosting skills. I even think he might have made a better choice for The Price is Right than Drew Carey (who is not a spectacular host), but I guess its not up to me.

3. Psychics are awesome. One of my new favorite (okay, too strong of a word) is The American Psychic Challenge on Lifetime. They basically take people who claim to be psychics and make them do random tasks (matching husbands and wives, or musicians to their instruments) and score them on their 'abilities.' I find it funny because these people are so busy trying to be psychics that they miss the obvious clues (like the fact that people tend to marry other people who look like themselves). Also, there's the show Phenomenon which I've never bothered to watch, but every time I see a commercial for, I start humming that one song from The Muppet Show (you know: meh-nah-meh-nah do-dooo-da-doo-do... okay, my writing doesn't quite do it justice, but you'd know it if you heard it).

4. This writer's guild strike sucks. I'm totally on their side, especially when it comes to royalties from sales on iTunes and alike, but I really don't want it to mess with my tv. Apparently someone in charge of writing the show Heroes rewrote the ending for yesterday's episode in case it ended up as the season finale. That sucks... but it was an awesome episode (let's all take a moment to say 'OMG! That's Adam Monroe!')

5. I think we need to start some talk of a Dancing with the Stars curse. Bad things keep happening to those people. More on that when more bad things happen.

Okay, well, I suppose that's enough rambling for today. I hope you enjoyed yourself, if only so I could call you a loser, because if you enjoyed yourself even half as much as I did you're totally lame.

I am a huge nerd.

I really want this cd.

Also, the new Cobra Starship video makes them my new favorite band ever.

Reader, Will You Accept This Post?

I need to get myself on a dating show. Not because I’m that desperate for a date (no, my love life, or lack thereof, is fodder for a different blog), but because I can’t imagine actually being in a situation so contrived. In fact, I’ve been in scripted plays that have seemed more realistic.

I just don’t understand it. How can anyone who has actually watched The Bachelor believe that this is the way to find love. Or even that these women are anything accept silicone, blond #14, and the deep-set fear of being alone at 30.

Example time.

The Bachelor asks his two desperate hunnies with whom he is on a date whether they would consider relocating for him. I’m pretty sure one of them got whiplash from how fast she tried to answer. Seriously, they just said the exact same thing (Yes, yes, please, if that’s what it takes for you to marry me, yes.) as quickly as they could, and at the same time.

Then there is every time any one of the desperate girls are alone with their potential mate (and I think mate is the only appropriate term to use here). It seems like every single time that there’s a one on one date (or whatever they call it) the girls just spend their time telling the mate that they have trouble properly expressing their emotions and that they really want to be here. They really, really want to be here.

Now, if we’re getting into less reputable dating shows *cough* Rock of Love *cough* there is also the added element of the other contestants telling the potential mate what any particular girl really wants.

“She doesn’t really love you.” Says middle-aged rock star who never made anything of herself about the stripper. “She’s only in this for sex and fame! By the way… did you listen to my demo tape… on the air, maybe?”

The point is, I am a sucker for fake emotion (yeah, sometimes Oprah makes me cry), and shows like this kind of make me hurt inside. Not a hurt like I’m going to cry for all these women are going through, a pain like I get when I watch a Ninja Turtles movie that sounds like it was written by a five year old on LSD. It’s the pain of bad dialogue or, in fact, of any reality show dialogue that pretends it wasn’t written by a professional (possibly also on LSD).

So, anyway, next week is a sexy pool party on The Bachelor. I think I’d rather get an exceedingly painful bikini wax. Sadly, I’ll probably watch it anyway.

Old People Music

Okay, I suck. I wrote this like two weeks ago, and am only now getting to actually posting it.

So, I saw the band Genesis play in concert a while ago. It was a very interesting experience. I’m used to seeing young, new bands play shows in little venues. This, on the other hand, was an old band playing to stadium full of old people. The fact is, the average viewer of this concert could easily have been my grandparent.

This was only the second concert I’ve ever seen that wasn’t general admission. The first was Shania Twain, and I don’t like her, so this is the first concert that I actually wanted to see that was not general admission. Perhaps that explains some of the oddities I noticed. The first was the proliferation of opera glasses. I suppose if you know that you’re going to be sitting way out in the middle of no where, you have the foresight to bring opera glasses with which to watch the show. Or maybe the people watching this particular concert were just myopic. Really, really myopic.

The other big difference from all the other shows I’ve seen was how low energy it was. Everybody just sat there. Maybe a few people sang along, but otherwise we all just sat around. I thought I might fall asleep somewhere along the way… in fact, I think I might have fallen asleep, the 2.5 hour concert seemed really short.

The basic feeling I got from the entire experience was that I wasn’t involved. I might as well have been watching it on television for how there I felt. The band did the whole audience participation thing, but it just isn’t the same as jumping and screaming and singing every word. Although I undoubtedly looked less ridiculous than I usually do. It just made me look forward to other concerts I’m seeing later in the months. I’m seeing Fall Out Boy in two weeks, and I’m expecting a smaller show than Genesis (obviously) but still really big for what I’m used to but still extremely high energy and fun.

This was good... that will be awesome.

Vanity, thy name is... Disney?

Recognize the guy on the left?

If you happen to be a connoisseur of Disney Channel Original Movies of the late 1990s the answer is obvious: That is Val from the movie Brink. But how about if you have been watching Beauty and the Geek?

That's right, friends. The one 'male beauty' from the shows new season is the one and only Sam Horrigan, Val to us Disney Channel kids. At least, I think he is. Except for one line on his Wikipedia page and my swearing that they look the same, nobody is admitting that these two just happen to be the same person. He's officially listed as a 'Party Promoter' which he very well may be, but let's be honest, he's also an actor.

But Sam is not the only icon of my childhood who finds him (or her) self on reality television. If you're approximately my age, you must have seen The Mighty Ducks. But have you seen The Next Food Network Star (season 3, to be specific)? Colombe Jacobsen-Derstine, Julie Gaffney to those of us who have a history with the Ducks, was on that particular season.

So, you know what I want to see? That kid from Xenon: Girl of the 21st Century on Survivor. Maybe that fat kid from The Big Green on The Real World. The possibilities are endless, if only vaguely amusing. So keep an eye out, you never know when they are going to try and slip someone from your youth by you.

Label Whore

Last week I saw a concert. I saw a little band called The Hush Sound play at a venue locally and found myself wondering how many people genuinely liked the band, and how many just like Fall Out Boy (don't worry, I'll explain the relation in a minute). Is there really that distinct of a difference? Where do I stand in this debate?

Fueled By Ramen is taking over the world. If you don’t know (or more, haven’t checked the label on your latest CD and learned that it was brought to you by them) FBR is a more or less (or less, or less) indie music label. Up until a few years ago (and until anyone cared about them) FBR brought us FOB. Now we also have Panic! At the Disco, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is…, Cobra Starship, Cute is What We Aim For, The Hush Sound and a load of other acronym-ready bands. And all but one of those bands are associated with Decaydance records, Pete Wentz (FOB’s bassist and resident man-whore)’s label and FBR subsidiary.

So, now, unlike the days of yore when kids looked for different musicians who had similar sounds or styles by asking their friends and going to shows and browsing through the record store, kids find new music by checking the label (or for that matter, checking to see who is in the music videos, as any FBR video is a virtual Where’s Waldo of other FBR bands). I’m not sure that if they weren’t on the same label, anyone obsessed with Fall Out Boy’s charmingly angry pop-punk would find themselves addicted to Gym Class Heroes’s hip hop emo, much less The Hush Sound’s bouncy piano driven rock. I think there would be few who would argue against this being case of the label making the band, I feel like the true question is: Is this label mongering really such a bad thing? The answer, as one of my former professors would say, is no… and yes.

Personally, I wouldn't listen to any of these bands if their music weren’t good (okay, maybe TAI, but only because TAI TV is pretty much awesome). There are many who would argue against the assertion that all (or any) of these bands produce good music, but this is my opinion, and I happen to be a fan. The assumption, however, that any properly labeled band can be a hit could lead to less effort going into signing only good bands. I mean, have you heard Tyga? For your sake, I hope not. But, for FBR’s sake we’ll just call that one nepotism (Tyga is some relative (cousin, nephew, something) of Gym Class Heroes’s Travis McCoy). But the fact remains that the increase in popularity of Fueled By Ramen could lead to a decrease in quality of their music.

But for now, you can just call me a label whore. While you’re busy doing that and listening to only the indie-est of indie bands, I’m going to go get a copy of the new Paramore album. And The Cab.

Next issue I’ll be covering: The movement from acronyms in band names to short, single-word names.

A Sherpa for Mt. Midoriama.

I’ve decided that my future is in translating the show Ninja Warrior from Japanese to English. Well, perhaps translating is too strong of a word, making shit up would fit the job description better. I’m relatively sure that what is being said by the announcer is not what is written on the screen. Or maybe it is, I’m not sure anyone would notice either way.

Anyway… there is an obvious formula to the whole process, and I think I could become rather expert at manipulating it given a little time. So, in my immensely benevolent current mood I will share with all of you how to write subtitles for Ninja Warrior.

1. Give the ‘ninja warriors’ dumb nicknames. On the show there are everything from the famed ‘Mr. Ninja Warrior’ to the less than cool ‘Monkey.’ So, in order to make a good example of this, we shall call our fictitious ninja warrior ‘Stinky Leopard.’ Its perfect. Totally irrelevant, but it sounds kind of cool.

2. Our ninja warrior makes it to the starting… thingy. He motions to the crowd, trying to pump them up or get some spare change or something, and the announcer (or subtitler?) mentions what the ninja warrior does for a living (as a rule he is either a television personality (which means he won’t make it past the first obstacle), a fisherman of some sort, athlete, or a public official (fireman)). Our ninja warrior will be a garbage man (hence the stinky part of his nickname). Before he can really start the course, the announcer will ask him a rhetorical question.

“Next up is Stinky Leopard, the garbage man from Tokyo. Will he be the one to scale the arduous Mount Midoriama?”

3. Now, for the course itself. While the ninja warriors are doing the obstacles, the subtitles must read like a really obvious statement that was just eaten by a thesaurus. For instance: The Stinky Leopard climbs the warped wall on his third attempt becomes…

“The Stinky Leopard clambers over the thorny warped wall after a multitude of arduous attempts.”

As you can see, we changed the verb into something nominally more obscure, and added ridiculous adjectives to describe the obstacle and in place of just giving the number of times the contested attempted it.

4. But what do you do when the ninja warrior isn’t doing anything interesting? That is, what do you do for the next 12 seconds that the warrior is on an obstacle after you’ve already talked about what was actually happening? That’s when you talk about one of two things: what the ninja warrior has accomplished in previous tournaments, and how he practices.

“Stinky Leopard has a life size Ninja Warrior course totally made of discarded soda cans built in his back yard. He invites all the other competitors to train on it with him.”

That is all.

High School Musical 2

The Even Gayer One.

Eight year old girls and nerdy college kids who remember the good ole days of Disney Channel Original Movies, it is time to rejoice, High School Musical has returned to us. The first one made us want to dance and sing and helped us to realize that, if nothing else, we could always be teenagers on the Disney Channel, no matter how old we got. The new one teaches us to be flamboyant.

Seriously. Well, perhaps not seriously, but I do mean it. Since the last movie was filmed, all of the kids (and by kids I mean full grown adults pretending to be about 15) have had a lot of experience dancing, and they have learned a lot. This is reflected in how much more complicated the dance steps are in the sequel. By complicated, I think I mean uncomfortable looking, occasionally reminiscent of contortionism, and, let's be honest, capable of making me feel vaguely uncomfortable at times.

But perhaps that's just me.

Now, the slasher fanfic fodder: Chad (Corbin Bleu) and Ryan (Lucas Grabeel) sing a duet in the movie. While this duet becomes a group number, its still all about Chad and Ryan. And its about baseball and dancing, and has some of Ryan's more spectacular dance moves. A sample line from what is bound to be someone's fanfic in the near future:

Chad: Wow, Ryan, I didn't know you could handle balls like that!

In conclusion, the movie wasn't nearly as good as its predecessor, but I don't feel like I just wasted two hours of my life. That means it beats most Disney Channel Original Movies. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go watch something horribly gory and violent in order to properly cleanse my mental palate.

Welcome to my Bat Cave.

Hello my lovies, my dearies, my doves... and those who just wandered in.

This, in case you were wondering, is a blog. But I suppose you weren't wondering. Unless you are my father, who doesn't know a mouse from a... well... mouse, you know what a blog is, and what you really wanted to know is what this particular blog is about. So, for you, we'll start over again.

This, in case you were wondering, is Mere Conjecture. That's just my fancy way of saying that I pretty much just made everything up. This is my opinion, sometimes based on fact, mostly... um, not. Its my all ranting, all bitching, all singing and dancing (if you decided to read it aloud in faux-opera while doing a loosely choreographed dance routine) tribute to all things pop culture. Or at least all things I want to talk about.

So, here goes nothing...